After a very poor nights sleep, fear of the unknown combined with pain and strange surroundings, They gave me a bedbath at six, I was nil by mouth and the food truck came and parked right outside my door!
The consultant came at 8 am and explained all they were going to do, and I signed my life away even down to organs should I not make it. I told them not to use my eyes unless they were healing a bat. That all done I spent a nervous two hours as I waited for the butchers block to fetch me. Let me tell you the NHS are amazing and since my days being an almost permanent resident as a kid the technology is astounding.
They don't put you under. You are awake throughout. They give you a spinal anaesthetic instead. The guys in charge of that were fantastic funny and very caring. With you all the way. They give you the option of watching ( I declined) so a screen went up from my waist. Paul and Danny (anaesthetists) got me some ear buds and a sound system after a quick chat while I was hooked up to various monitors they found some 80's goth, The Cure, The Cult etc. Once all that was done I lay there waiting for them to start, and waited. I signalled to Paul and said when are they starting, he laughed and said they were almost done! Didn't hear or see ( or more importantly feel a bloody thing!) Not long after that they removed all the monitors and wires and ear buds. Paul and Danny told me not to apply for any singing contests and who the bloody hell was Japan ( no music education these days, shocking) The guy who did the actual sawing/ screwing and super glue came over and he reminded me of Rouhl from Bake Off, just to tell me it was easier than they thought. And that the walking plate they had inserted was developed by NASA good old never a straight answer, it's probably a bit left over from the space shuttle. Nice bloke though, apparently had to check that the noise I was making wasn't down to me feeling anything and was in fact my singing. Lol.
Within fifteen minutes I was back on the ward. Half an hour after that I projectile vomited. No warning it just pebble dashed the wall. They were cool about it and said they take bets on how long it will be! They could have warned me!
Funny thing is they've been monitoring my blood sugar and came and said it's a bit high. Really? That might be the white toast, the meat pie and potatoes and jam doughnut you fed me when I came back! When I pointed that out she said, oops, and promptly put a sign on my bed that said low carb no sugar! Bless. Hourly checks on my vitals and my ability to feel from the waist down. Mr Morphine and Mr Codine patches to control the pain. All the fun. But all in all amazing work, from a great team. Oh and obligatory covid tests positive on Lateral Flow but Negative on PCR. Just in case you snuff it and they can put it down on your death certificate... Not that I'm cynical at all.
As I said they only have council telly so I turned it off about ten and went to sleep. The window is open and there are woods in front, I had the company of an owl hooting as I went to dreamland.
No comments:
Post a Comment